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Same sex weddings and my own experiences with gender discrimination

Apr 11, 2023 | Weddings

Are gay weddings popular in Spain? In a word, YES! Spain is a fantastic destination to have a Gay/Same-Sex Wedding Ceremony. I absolutely adore same-sex weddings and I’ve officiated a few from a beach bar in Benidorm to a Hacienda in Córdoba and each is super special like every wedding is, BUT, they hold a very special place in my heart and there is a reason for this.

G A.Y – GOOD AS YOU. Transforming the historic use of gay as a slur into an expression of gay pride.

As Mika sang in the song Grace Kelly which I absolutely adore:
“I tried to be like Grace Kelly
But all her looks were too sad,
So I tried a little Freddie
I’ve gone identity mad”

Such a great song and although the words were written by the artist Mikka after he was advised by a record company to try and be a little bit more like Craig David and not be so flamboyant, ie: you need to fit in. And although there aren’t any direct mentions of sexuality anywhere in the lyrics, what I take away from the lyrics is don’t judge me for who you think I am, please accept me for me.

How gender discrimination has influenced my own family

Finding love in this day and age can be difficult for the best of us, but for same-sex couples there sadly sometimes can be discrimination and homophobia making it even harder. I discovered this when my youngest son ‘came out’ and told us he was gay. We as a family were just relieved and happy that he felt brave enough to do this within his circle of friends and extended family.

Sadly though, not everyone has been brought up the way I was, accepting of all people – no matter colour, religion or sexual orientation and my youngest son (who has given me his blessing to include his story) sadly went through mental torment by a few unaccepting bigoted homophobic people belonging to a church he attended, where he was told that if he wanted to remain within their church then he couldn’t be gay! Sadly, I doubt the difficulties of combating prejudice and bigotry will be resolved in my lifetime.

At this time I and his siblings and his very close friends were questioning his actions because he’d already ‘quietly come out to a select few’ the year before, but such was the hold the church had over him (he has since used the word ‘cult’) and being the beautiful and kind soul he is, he carried on trying to please, so he could carry on belonging to a so called Christian church and group of people who he believed loved him.

We knew we couldn’t pressure him as any change of direction had to come from him, but of course all of this was at the detriment of his mental health and wellbeing until it got to the extent he couldn’t do it anymore. He’d reached the point he no longer thought his life was worth living and attempted suicide. Without stating the obvious because he was very very poorly and on life support for a few days, we will be forever grateful to the medical staff who saved his life, but his outcome could have been very different.

Thankfully as you can see in the photo below, he is now happy and thriving, and being his natural authentic self, which as a parent is all you really ever want for your children.

my wonderful son

Officiating weddings for gay couples

So how does this tie in with me being a Celebrant, and why am I sharing this with you? Now me being me, I really try to build relationships with my couples and what I have discovered is that for some same-sex couples, (thankfully not all) they too have struggled with not being accepted, sometimes by close family members and this is, of course, something I can greatly emphasise with. I am also strongly aware that although some people can be unconsciously biased towards gay couples, they wouldn’t openly admit it for fear of being judged. Sadly on my social media account, I’ve had to block individuals who claim only a man and a woman can marry and who have been quite derogatory after reading some of my same-sex posts. Having previously worked as an antisocial behaviour officer and mediator for warring neighbours in the UK, thankfully I have an arsenal of skills I can call upon and so I’m able to shut down such negativity quickly and without a fuss. My baby boy, Ed.

My motto is be kind or be quiet!

So anyway, now you know a bit more about me, below are a couple of lovely reviews from two wonderful grooms that I had the honour of being part of their special day:

Garth & Adam in Wedding in Cordoba

It’s hard for us to say how much we appreciate the amazing work Sally did for our wedding. She was incredible – spent months working with us and put up with us taking ages to reply to her (busy jobs!). She really got to know us and understand who we were and what we were looking for in our ceremony… and she made our day incredibly special. The service was perfect for us. I lost count of the number of our guests who came up to us afterwards and said how special Sally was and how great the ceremony had been. There were many tears! We were so lucky to have discovered Sally… and can’t recommend her enough. Sally – your attention to detail, your time spent with us really getting to know us, your incredible kindness and thoughtfulness for our ceremony was just… magical. Neither of us could have wished for more. And the wonderful memories of that day will be with us forever. From the bottom of our hearts – thank you. Adam & Garth

gay couple on wedding day

Simon & Dylan in Wedding in Benidorm

Where to start. We were lucky enough to hire Sally two weeks before our Wedding after being let down by one Celebrant and the replacement Celebrant then becoming ill. In that short time she was clever enough to create a script for our special day that captured the very essence of us both. Like she had been friends with us for years. Her brilliant couples questionnaire asked the right sort of questions to enable her content for the script. So passionate about her work. It felt as though she really enjoyed sharing our special day with us. We cannot thank her enough for what was a truly wonderful wedding with some of our friends saying it was the best wedding they’d ever been to! A polite, professional and funny lady. We Highly recommend her.

gay couple with celebrant

If you would like help to create a beautiful and unique wedding ceremony in Spain find out more about LGBTQ+ wedding ceremonies here.